True meaning of Christmas

This year I have learned that the true meaning of Christmas is in our actions not just words. As I was taking my kids all over the place tonight to see their dad and his side of the family with not a complaint but actually a gladness in my heart I realized this was showing them the true meaning of Christmas.

It is about Jesus and his birth but also about family and love. I hope by making sure my kids could get to their dad's tonight and be the one to drive so we still had a part of Christmas Eve I showed them that.

I also noticed today as I handed out a small token of thanks to my coworkers knowing their would be nothing in return how good it felt to see each of them smile and the thanks I got from each of them was amazing.

My heartsister knows what a time I am going through this year and she went ahead and got me a little pick me up and it is so appreciated.

I realized this year that as one friendship is changing others are growing and even better some are rock solid. I am so loved and blessed.

Christmas Time

Wow I can't believe that Christmas is just two days away. I am so excited this year since I will be spending the next two days with new and old friends.

I was amazed at how important it was for my older kids to find time to do Christmas with me I figured that at their age spending time with the family would not be high on their list of things to do over Christmas.

Next week I am taking some time to myself then I have two days with Ethan just the two of us hanging out and being goofy it will be so nice and so needed.

We have had such a crazy and stressful last few months that it is going to be nice to spend Christmas with those I love and remembering the true reason for Christmas then take some me time to hide and watch movies.

I only have one Christmas wish and that is for my BFF to let me know what is going on so we can fix it and get back to being the friends we are meant to be. I am very thankful for my heart sister she has been such a rock this Christmas season as I have been trying to figure out what happened with my BFF.

Merry Christmas to all and I am sure I will be writing a lot over the next week since I will have a computer.

Loving Angel

Today was an amazing day. One of those days you hope you will remember when you are 90.

We went to Aunt Sheilas to have a multi purpose party.

1 - Celebrate her son's return from Afghanastan
2 - Celebrate her birthday
3 - Celebrate Christmas

So off we went to visit the clan and I was told their was a time sensitive surprise waiting for me.

When we got to Aunt Sheilas without getting lost which is a miracle in itself I found out that my surprise would only be me and Tasha. This right here was awesome since we don't get time together very often. Well she decided to take us to get our nails done and I tell you I so needed it and we gabbed for the whole hour.

When we got back to the house my cousin Julie and her two boys were there. This woman is amazing to me. Her oldest son has many physical and mental challanges yet she doesn't ever show that it bothers her. Tonight she had to leave early because her oldest was having a bad day but without a complaint she just packed up her boys and went home. At least I had a small visit with her.

Then we had supper and when it was time to clean up the dishes my Aunt Claire, Tasha and I went to it. Well I have never laughed so hard in a long time. We ended being like three silly school girls tell dirty jokes and just caring on.

I also got to have a long and good chat with my cousin Toni who I never get to see anymore since we are all so busy. Of course I aslo found out how Aaron was doing with being home and to see if he had any big plans and at this point he doesn't.

I also loved watching Ethan attach himself to Tasha and just follow her around and help her. I am so blessed to have such close family relations I never had the opportunity to pass this on to my older boys but I am hoping to pass this on to Ethan.

We also reminisced about our big adventure up north last christmas and that although the reason for the trip was not good the trip itself was amazing.

I got to see Tasha's wedding dress which is a big deal because not many will see the dress before the big day so it is nice to be included in that elite group. I am so impressed that she is standing her ground about her big day. She is so happy and it is nice to see her and Larry making this commitment and moving forward.

Friend Good, Bad or other

Not sure if anyone reads my blog anymore but it is funny it still helps me sort out my thoughts and feelings so I keep blogging.

I used to think I was a good friend the kind that people liked to have in their inner circle (not boasting) but lately as I reflect over the amount of people that have come in and out of my life over the years I am starting to wonder if I am somehow to cause for all the people that have come in and out over the years.

I do believe that not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime but only a season but I find it hard to believe that all those friendships that have gone away were meant to only be a season.

I sometimes wish I could be visited by ghost of friends in the past so I can find out why the friendship really ended.

I guess lately I am also feeling like my bff no longer wants to be a bff she has not said so in words but certainly in her actions. I am trying to believe that she is just going through life and at some point things will go back to the same way but I am finding it harder and harder to believe. The real proof has been the last few weeks I have been going through stuff that she would normally have been right here helping me with instead she hasn't said boo. I have mentioned it to her so we could get together and hang out and she replied I should just stay home.

I have asked her what is wrong multiple times and I have tried asking my hubby who knows her well what is up but he doesn't want to get in the middle and she says there is nothing wrong. I am not sure how to proceed with this friendship we have been through to much for me to just walk away. I will continue to pray and hope things get better even if they are changing

Winter Driving

Well tonight I had my first winter driving experience and I was amazed at how well I handled it. I could hear my dad's voice in my head the entire time and he gave me some great advice and I was able to not be so nervous.

I am not looking forward to my drive to work tomorrow since the roads are supposed to be horrible but at least I have tonight under my belt and I will just take my time tomorrow and hopefully it won't be as bad as they are predicting.

This is the joys of driving in Ontario and I am determined not to be one of those drivers who won't leave thier house if even one snowflake falls. I mean if it is bad and I don't have to go out I won't but hopefully after this winter I won't be a scardy cat on the road.

Christmas Season

Life is so busy during the Christmas season between decorating, shopping, visiting and wrapping gifts that I think most people forget to stop and enjoy this magical time of the year.

I have been blessed this year to have my house decorated and presents bought. It was beautiful last night to read a story to Ethan in front of the tree. I have even put me time on my day planner so that I don't get too busy or over booked.

I love this time of the year the belief in Santa, the miracle of the birth of Jesus and the hopes for the upcoming year. What more could we ask for. I do realize that I am blessed with a job, family and some money but all of that aside this is just the best part of the year.

I have set myself a goal for next year based on a book I am reading (God Chick) and I am going to try to have a more positive attitude towards all aspects of my life. Less venting ( I hear my friends cheering) and if changes need to be made they will just get done.

Merry Christmas to all and I hope each of you gets to enjoy this time of the year and remember the reason for the season.

Perfect Day for a Five Year Old

Well without any planning on my part Ethan had a perfect day yesterday and one I hope he cherises forever.

1 - Carwash which is his favourite thing of all time
2- Went to pick up Douglas' lunch and the waitress there gave Ethan 5 crazy bands for his collection
3 - Went to deliver Douglas' lunch and bonus he could have lunch with us so we got to hang out
4 - While having lunch a a paramedic came in and started chatting with Ethan and then went out to the ambulance and got him a bear
5- Was in the Christmas Pagent at church as a little drummer boy - we also had a band at the church for after the children's pagent and the singer from the band complimented Ethan on his performance as a drummer boy
6- To top off this perfect day Ethan and I had a splash contest which he won hands down

These are the days that being a mom is priceless I got nothing acomplished that was on my list but my little man went to bed last night with a huge smile and I was thankful to God for giving me this day and that I actually stopped long enough to grab hold and enjoy.

The life I wanted

I went for supper last night with my ex mother in law and then went back to her condo where I got to visit with a ton of the family that I have not seen in forever.

The life I envisioned as a little girl included a sister in law that I could laugh and cry with. Cousins for my children and in-laws that I loved and the best part we all live close enough to be in each others lives daily or at least weekly.

I do not miss the life I had with my ex he was bad news and I am very happy with my hubby and the life we have together but what I miss is that there is no sister in law or cousins. Also the fact that my in laws live so far away.

Near the end of my life with the ex his brother met and married an amazing women who had our pathes crossed in a different way would have become one of my cherised friends but alas that is not how things turned out. My ex and his family live on the same street and are blessed to see each other all the time.

Last night at the last minute I decided to go in and visit and there was Diana, Dege their youngest and my boys half brother. This is the go to house where life is safe and where things make sense.

You see my ex mother in law is one of the toughest women I know not only did she help build a business with the love of her life she also watched the love of her life be taken away by cancer. Instead of this causing her to withdraw from life she came out fighting for the business and her family. There are many layers to this woman and yes she has made a mountain of mistakes which she will admit to and then tell you to learn from her mistakes.

The one thing she does not regret is opening her home to her children, their spouses and their children. She will never know what it is like to sit on her couch and have peace and quiet but she will also never be alone.

I have been blessed over the years to have to her advice and I am privleged to still be considered part of the family. It was awesome yesterday to walk in and have hugs and stories all around.

I would love Ethan to have this type of connection. He has an awesome relationship with his grandparents but they live so far away that he can't just decide to go for the night and their will never be cousins for him. This blog has helped me to put things in perspective yes I did not get the life I envisioned but I got so much more.

Cute socks=no stress

I have been in a funk lateley and not sure why. It is very unlike me to be in a funk for this long I am human and do have my moments like everyone but mine are normally short lived.

I have been praying, pondering and begging the universe, God, somebody anybody to get me out of this funk. Well they all were listening and tag teamed me.

I went to the dentist yesterday and was wearing bright pink Tweety Bird socks (not matching) and the dentist comes in takes one look at them and says "You have cute socks how can you have stress" this comment made me smile and laugh inside all day. The start to the funk leaving.

Then yesterday afternoon I got a bladder infection which would normally not be a good thing but I took this as a sign that I better start taking care of myself so I got medication and went home to my room to veg and watch tv. Ethan brought me his favourite bear and blanket and snuggled with me. Then my oldest one and his girlfriend brought me McDonald's for supper so I wouldn't have to get out of bed for anything.

On top of all this attention were the well wishes from FB. Needless to say have a guilt free night vegging in the middle of the week and a silly comment from the dentist have seemed to lift my funk. I did thank God and the Universe this morning because their tag team did an amazing job.

I know my mood is gone because when I went into my messy kitchen this morning it didn't even bother me that I had to tidy it.

Relationship Repair???

I sat this weekend visiting with my dad and watching him play with Ethan and it made me so sad. Sad because he has never nor will he ever have that relationship with my older boys.

Sad also because he will never understand why they don't want a relationship with a man that to them doesn't respect or understand them. See since I had my boys so young in life my dad decided that he should be tough on them to help they grow up properly but by doing this all he did was alienate them.

I have tried over the years to explain to all of them what happened so that forgivness can begin and a relationship start to grow but alas none of them understand the others side. I hope that someday when they mature they will have some type of relationship with him. I know my dad longs for that but the years of him teasing and being tough have taken their toll.

See I have boys who need extra love, attention and lots of hugs not critisim for all their mistakes. They get enough of that from the world. This year for my dad's birthday since the boys are almost adults I left it up to them to call him for his birthday and they both declined.

I tried over the years to tell my dad that the boys need him to play with them, hug them and be papa but he never knew how to relate to this boys from the city who watch TV and play video games. I have tried to point out their achievements over the years and although my dad tells me he is proud he has never told them.

I watch him with my cousins children who are into the things he can relate to (fishing hunting camping) and he is such a diffrerent man. I hope this man will someday appear with my older boys. This is the papa that Ethan has and that is such a joy but bittersweet.

He is an awesome man and all of us who have had the privlege of knowing the real him, the soft loveable him admire and respect him. I remember a few years ago we were at a funeral and my older boys asked why does everyone respect Papa so much. This broke my heart for they never got to see the side that is tough but loveable. They only ever saw the tough unfair side.

Friendships change and mature

I find it so funny that when it comes to friendships people get all scared and shaken to the core when there is a change in dynamics, yet in marriages we expect and embrace these changes as growth.

I recently was blessed enough to have my own car (making payments but it is still mine) and I am loving this freedom. I was very shocked to have some of my closest friends not only been upset that I went ahead with this but have now done all they can to still change my mind.

At first I was completely taken back and upset but lately I have come to the realization that it is not the cost that is the concern it is the fact that now there is a dynamic change. I no longer have to depend on them for rides or to go shopping. I have done my best to include them and I have offered to pick them up since I figure I owe them for the years of driving me everywhere.

I am sure as time goes on and this change becomes routine we will be back to the goofy girls we normally are. I am sure they do not even realize they are acting this way. I just hope the time will come when they can be excited for me.

I do realize I have stretched my budget to get this car but having so much extra time with Ethan is so worth it. He is no longer the clingy grouchy child. Sure he stil has his moods but not half as bad as when I took the bus and was never home or if I was home I was always tired.

Sometimes time is worth more than a balanced budget. Yes there are many luxries in life I will be giving up but everytime I get to be the one to wake him up or pick him up early so we can watch a movie before making supper I realize that I made the right choice.

Soul Collector - How Beautiful

I have been critized plenty about the fact that my door is always open to friends and family and I have passed this tradition on to my children. Yes at times I shake my head at my open door policy when all I want is peace and quiet and instead I have a full house. Sometimes it is just people chilling but normally it is a soul that needs some type of mending whether that be a hug, a smile, a shoulder, advice or sometimes a kick in the butt (not literally).

Well the other night I was paid an awesome compliment about my open door policy. My neighbour and quickly becoming a friend called me a soul collector. She said it is nice to know she can call and I am there to help her laugh and forget about the crap she is going through. She was at my recent girls night and noticed that I have such a smorgasbord of friends and realized that is because I collect souls damaged or not and that I love deep and wide.

I am sure that as I get more comfortable blogging some of these stories will be told.

I will cherish these words the next time I am critized about my open door policy or when I am shaking my head at my full house.

Beautiful Video and Song - Rememberance Day

http://www.nationalpost.com/wesaluteourheroes/index.html

I tried to put this link in my earlier post but it did not work. The video and lyrics are gorgeous and so true.

Lest we remember - 2 minutes

I am saddened today that noone in my office except myself could be bothered to take two minutes of silence to remember those that sacrificed their lives for us. I understand we live in a busy society but two minutes of silence is that really too much to ask.

Now on the other hand I was amazed that Ethan told me this morning that today was about the soldiers that died and he had to wear red to remember them. Also the amount of gratitude on FB today was amazing.

Hopefully the day will come when all will pay their respects on this special day. It would be wonderful if the soldiers and their families were in our thoughts always.

Happy rememberance day. Lest we and the next generation not forget.

Tim Hortons is a lifesaver

I know I already posted today but I just can't stop myself from posting again.

I realized today that the way I deal with stress and yes it does work is Tim Hortons. I get a XLG Steeped Tea with milk and sugar along with a cheese tea biscuit with butter and I am telling you that by the time I have ate and savoured my tea the world is all good again.

With the week I am having I think I might need to buy stock in Tim Hortons but hey I am going broke but my stress level is almost at zero.

Thank you Tim Hortons you have made this girls week survivable.

Hand me downs not Crap me downs

I will start this off by saying I am pissed and venting so bear that in mind as you read my blog.

I have a friend who loves to give my youngest hand me down toys and clothes and I am all for that between the economy and the enviroment I think this is a great idea. The problem I have with this person is that lateley most of the stuff he is giving us couldn't even be used for rags. I find it rather disrespectful that he would assume that we are in such need that even the stuff that should be in the trash we will be thankful for.

Now when the stuff is good it is really good but that is rare. My hubby sent this guy a letter asking him to please not give us his garbage just hand me downs for Ethan. His response is that we should be thankful that he gives us anything.

Now I give hand me downs to my friends and I am sure that a stained shirt or pant has slipped into the bag but I have never given clothes that the entire crotch are of the pants is cut out or toys that only have half of the items required. The best thing (sarcastic) was he gave us all the covers and instruction booklets for his kids video games.

After a long heated discussion between my hubby and I a we decided after the response we received to drop off all the garbage to his friend and let him deal with it.

I am sorry but have respect for people when giving them hand me downs. I mean I am very practical and thankful that between the group of us that does this tradition I have had to buy very little for Ethan and 90 percent of what I get is amazing stuff.

Girls night

Well this last Saturday was my first annual girls night. I decided that instead of just inviting the same girls that I hang out with I will invite all of my friends, neighbours, casual friends and of course my heart sister and BFF.

As time approached I was getting nervous about what if this mix of girls does not get along or worse yet what if nobody shows up. Well to my surprise almost everyone I invited showed up some for a long period, some for a short visit and one girl came twice.

It was a night of reforging friendships, creating new bonds and just relaxing with each other. Although we are all in different stages of life and relationships it was wonderful to sit back and watch this girls laughing and talking and hugging each other.

I was talking to one of my neighbours and it amazed me how thankful she was to be included in such a night. She had planned on only staying a few hours but ended up being here most of the night and I think I can honestly say that we are now more than neighbours.

My newest gal pal showed up and wow does she ever fit well with the rest of my girls. I must say I would not think twice about calling her in the middle of the night if I had a crisis. I think she will be a keeper.

It always amazes me the power of a group of women in a room they will either bond immediatley or just be pleasant. I am proud to say that this group definatley bonded and we will be doing this every year.

We even called my cousin who lives far away to include her. She was so excited to be included. This was a night that made memories and one I will treasure for a lifetime.

Friendly moose

My dad is a hunter and this year him and his neighbours have decided to hunt deer. Of course they have seen no deer so far but yesterday a female moose decided to take up the watch with them. They couldn't believe how close she was and she talked away to them and kept them company.I reminded my dad that obviously the moose is very smart and knows that none of them can shoot her and that since the deer were not cooperating she should keep them company.I have known my dad's neighbours for years and as he was telling me this story last night I felt like I was there in the bush with them looking and talking to this moose. You see my dad is an amazing story teller. He was so excited about his experience that he had to call me last night to share this amazing experience.I am so blessed that my dad and I are so close that we call each other for these little things that I am sure seem silly to other people. So yesterday was a perfect day an awesome story from my dad and then an awesome date with my hubby.

Thankful and proud

Well I am day number 6 of being sick but since I decided that on top of rest and medication I would have a postive attitude I have actually been able to get to work everyday and even do some of the day to day stuff at home. This is a big deal for me since normally I get sick and go hide until I get better.

Last night my hubby did the jack o lantern with my youngest one which is a first. If he has done this in the past it is with me bugging him but nope last night he took on this chore all by himself. Since he has switched jobs he is so relaxed and so much more involved in the day to day runnings of our house.

This week there was a slim chance he might get a job far away which would have meant him only being home on weekends. The old him would have announced this possibility with no discussion but instead we talked about why he wanted the job and the things he would miss out on. I was shocked to find out how much he enjoys being part of the day to day. So I guess we all grow and mature.

I am very thankful that he decided to stay put and keep the job in Toronto. I also got my own car this week it is used and very basic but wow what freedom to have my own wheels. I am loving it.

Survived and at work

Well I guess blogging in the wee hours was therapeutic because I woke up this morning feeling almost better and was able to get to work. And yeah for me I am actually busy today which helps so much.

I am trying to balance blogging and life so hopefully in the next few weeks I will find a good balance since I am loving blogging.

So much too say and so little time

I know I have used this title before but it is so appropriate for this blog.

The kids and hubby have been sick for a week and guess what they decided to share and now it is my turn. I should be calling in sick but my boss is not the most understanding so I am unable to sleep since I know how nasty she will be if I need to call in but alas that is how it will most likely be.

Aside from that I went to my Aunt's tonight for her birthday supper I was not sure how this would go since her son and wife were going to be there and we don't always get along but God answered prayers and we had a blast. This is a good turning point my aunt was so excited that we were all together and I as always spoiled her with flowers and cake. To me this is not that big of a deal but she spent the entire night beaming and bragging about both so I guess it is a big deal for her. On the drive home the fog was so thick you could not see in front of you and it is all back roads home so no lights and then all of a sudden out pops a coyote thankfully I was able to stop and he made it across the road safely.

In amazing news my hubby has a new job that will let him be home almost every night and we got a second car. The second car is such a blessing and will make my life so much easier. Now my girlfriends can be chauffered around town for a change. I owe them a lifetime of drives.

I have comitted to my step class once a week to the point where I have booked a sitter for the weeks that my hubby can't be home. This may not be a big deal to most but for me I hate exercise but need it just to stay calm and I love the class so I must say I am proud of myself.

Love - how it really should be

This is some lyrics from a song called It Was by Chely Wright. I had to post them becuase this is exactly how love should be.


It was real...It was magic
It was calm...It was savage
It was cool as a breeze
It was warm to the touch
It was never enough
It was always too much
It did all the things love does
That's how I knew
It was

Good news

Yeah my hubby has a job offer we don't have all the details yet but it is a job. God does answer prayer we didn't expect a job offer until after Christmas so this is such a bonus.

The extra bonus is that we will be getting a second vehicle which is required for this job and for the first time in our marriage I will be able to give a value opinion into which vehicle we get.

So all around it has been a good night around here.

Relaxing and growing

I am sitting here listening to my husband vacum and my youngest having a bath and I am actually relaxed and blogging. You see I manage my house - which means I clean, cook, do laundry, pay bills and whatever else is required on the inside of the house and my hubby handles all outside chores. So whenever he decides to help with the inside of the house I normally feel guilty but not tonight. Who says we have to live inside the boundries we decided upon when we first got married and had no little ones helping mess the house and tire us out.

I am very pleased that I am able to let him help okay so he won't vacum the way I would but hey at least it is one less thing I have to do tonight. I also was blessed to come home to my son's girlfriend having done the dishes and finally cleaning the basement. So I have time to blog and brag.

I had an awesome night with Ethan we went out on a date just the two of us and then came home and snuggled under the covers while we watched Cat in the Hat. This is a perfect night for me and there isn't many so I treasure those I do get.

Well on this note I hear Ethan calling me to get him out of the tub for story time.

Happily Married and Feel Guilty

I realized today that although I am happily married and have the kind of marriage where we still can't keep our hands off of each other I feel guilty. You need to realize that I do not feel guilty about much so this came as a shock to me.

I started to try to figure out why I feel guilty and it came to me that I feel guilty because most of my friends are either single, getting divorced or in unhappy marriages. Then I wonder if I am just kidding myself about how good things are and I look deep and yeah for some crazy reason we really are happy.

Now as I have said before I did not get the price charming I put an order in for but I did get a modern day prince. I feel bad when I blurt out to my friends about the romantic thing he did last night or if I just comment about how good things are. I feel like I am rubbing it in their faces. I feel for them about their relationship I have been in their shoes but now I want to be happy and not feel guilty about being happy.

It just seems that in today's society it is the norm to not be happy so when you are happy people question you or figure that you are just making things up. I wish we could all be in the bubble I am in but I do believe that because I am in such a good place that it makes me better at helping them or just listening.

Trust me we have had our issues and some of been huge and the thought of leaving has come up but when we decided that we were sticking it out things changed but I think that is because I know without a doubt that the sun rises and sets on my head in my husbands world.

I was also blessed to grow up surronded by crazy in love people who still held hands and kissed even after years of marriage. I had to learn that marriage is an ever growing process and if you are not both growing or commited to growing then the marriage will not work.

Amazing Thanksgiving Memories

What an awesome day yesterday. Food and friends were amazing but what I loved was watching my dad and my best friend's dad teaching my son's girlfriend how to make mashed potatoes, turnips and sweet potatoes. The look of pride on her face when supper was served and the compliments going to her were awesome.

This years supper was what Thanksgiving is supposed to be about. Everyone pitched in for the cooking and clean up. It was amazing extra people were invited at the last minute but it was no biggie.

The night went on way too late and I will be a tired girl tonight but what awesome memories we will have.

My oldest was so patient with my Aunt as she kept telling him the same story over and over. Not one fight and no one rushed to leave the table. This is one for the memory book.

Thanksgiving Preparations

Well for my American friends Thanksgiving in Canada is on Monday. I have my supper tonight which means I should be in the kitchen cooking something or setting the table or one of the million other things that have to be done.

I am grateful for all the help that I have to make this meal. My aunt is downstairs cleaning, my dad is on his way to help with whatever job I give him but this morning I just want space all to myself.

I got up early this morning so I could have my tea and listen to tunes but as always in my house life happens. My boys had friends over so there were extra bodies on my couches which means no tunes but I could have my tea which I was good with but then my aunt and Ethan decided they should get up early to help me which I am thankful for since I am so behind in my preparations for today. So I decided to steal 10 minutes to myself and blog.

The house does smell delicious. Turkey is in the oven, dressing is cooked just needs to be reheated and I have my fall candles going so it smells like pumpkin pie even though the pie is coming from one of my many guests.

Well I will sign off and go tackle my holiday preparations and by tonight I will be laughing and loving having everyone here I just needed to put everything in perspective.

Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian followers.

Visited by Ghosts

As you all know from the name of my blog that I believe in ghosts. Well I am used to my past family members visitng me with a message or just to comfort but they normally come one at a time and not often. Well this Sunday night as I am drifting into a good sleep not one but all of my past relatives decided to visit me. This was a comfort visit because of all the stress in my life right now.

Well first it was my mom, then my Aunt Rae, then Uncle Mel, then both of my grandmothers, then Pappa Eddie and finally Pappa Joe. It was so comforting and peaceful I could feel them holding me and whispering encouragement. I must say by the last visit I was getting tired and had to get up for work the next morning so I told them that next time they wanted to all visit me to please check with each other and just do one big visit. I am sure my husband thinks I am crazy because he can hear me having these conversations at night.

You see although I am asleep when I get visited I can feel it so much that it is draing and comforting all at once. The neat part this time is that each visit was in the kitchen of the house I group up in and everyone was at the spot they always sat at even though it was just the two of us.

Unfairness at work

I know I have not been blogging of late life has been crazy busy and with only one computer in the house it is hard to find time to blog. My husband is still searching for a job so he is constantly on the computer and that is completley understandable but I miss being able to blog.

I realize today why my job tends to stress me out occasionally it is not the job at all it is the unfairness of the office politics. I do one thing that is not work related and during work time I get pounced on. Yet everyone else gets to do as they please when they please with no consequence. I have no problem owning up to my time usage but I find it ironic to be called into my bosses office about a call I had to take today that I had offered to make up the time for to see her doing personal banking and while I am talking to her she gets a personal call. I know it is not fair to vent after not blogging for awhile but I just had to get it out. Thanks for letting me vent.

Awesome Girls Weekend

My BFF and heart sister ran away to my dad's this past weekend. It was a much needed break from reality. This trek away was different in many ways. We are all going through major life changes that we don't always feel like sharing so it was nice to ignore these changes for a few days.

I worry about the girls they both seem to have so much on their minds. I love them and would do anything to make life easier for both of them. This little trip was exactly what we needed. We bonded, laughed, relaxed and just enjoyed nature.

While away we saw a moose, some partridge, a wolf, a dog sled team practicing. This is just a few of the critters we saw. It was my birthday on Saturday and the girls managed to smuggle in presents and cupcakes to make the day complete.

My dad also made sure to spoil us by chauferring us around the backroads so that we could see nature and check out the neighbours critters. While checking out the neighbours critters we saw goats, chickens and some dogs.

I am so glad that we are able to get away for a few days a couple times a year. My dad does so much to make sure that we get the peace, rest and pampering we need for those few days.

I realized this weekend how blessed I truly am. My husband may be out of a job right now but I have two girls I can count on unconditionally, a father that knows how to make things better and an awesome family that do truly try to help out.

Have to go and get the youngest ready for bed but I will be back to blog in the next couple of days.

Rollercoaster of life

The last few days have been a rollecoaster some good and some bad.

First on Friday my husband lost his job which in itself is bad enough since he makes the lions share of our income and has benefits.What makes it worse it that this was his dream job but the company decided it was not a good fit. I am sure we will be fine financially and he will find another job but the crushing of his dream may not heal as quickly.

Secondly I am now on four days a week without pay for that extra day. The good thing about this is that it is forcing me to start looking for something else and get me out of the comfort zone.

The best part was on Monday night we all went to the Keg for my birthday supper which my two older children paid for. I wish I had a camera to capture the look of pride they had that they were able to pay for supper for all of us. I don't know the cost of the bill but I am sure it was not cheap. It was so nice for all of us to be together just laughing and having a break from all the crap going on.

Last night I joined a step class with my BFF I didn't think I was out of shape until last night but apparantley I am. This class is going to force me to get out of the house and work out my frustrations in a positive way.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Lost love but hoping to find it

I heard this song today on the radio and loved the lyrics so I had to post them.

The song is The Love That We Lost by Chely Wright.

Going through old dresser drawers
Fumbling through there closets
It's got to be here somewhere
I know it's round here somewhere
Searching from room to room
We couldn't have just lost it
I know it's round here somewhere
It's got to be here somewhere
Maybe we packed it up with college books and winter clothes
Things we thought were in the way
Out of style or just outgrown
We didn't give it away
We just left it alone
We tried to find it one day
That's when we noticed it gone
I turned the house upside down
Praying I'd stumble across some sign thats it's still around
Got to find the love that we lost
Captured in old picture frames shinning in those faces
It used to be here somewhereI know it's still here somewhere
Reflected in our children's eyes
How could we misplace itI know it was here yesterday
How could it just slip away
it was more then just a box of junk we stored away to gather dust
This was a dream we thought we always could reach out and

Jekyll and Hyde

I just got home from the meet the teacher BBQ. I was such a proud mom to hear all the wonderful things everyone had to say about Ethan. He was so well behaved until I used that dreaded word "no". This wonderful happy child became this horrible temper tantrum screaming little person.

I have been listening to this lovely little one scream for 2o minutes interrupted by the lovely blackmail comments of if you let me go back to the school then I will stop crying. If you spend time with me then I won't yell at you.

I am always amazed at how quickly children can go from angels to temper tantrum screaming aliens. I have been living with this Jekyll and Hyde for about three weeks and I have lost all my patience and sympathy for this child.

I love him but I just so don't have the energy to deal with this side of him. If I am correct it will be an ongoing struggle all night and since this is new with him I am not really sure what else to do. I have grounded, consequenced, lectured and passed him off to my husband to deal with.

I try to remember that this will pass and I will have my happy, lovely boy back but I want a machine so I can fast forward to that point.

Sorry for all the venting but I figured this was the best outlet for my angst. Thanks for reading.

Happy for my job but so bored

I am very grateful that I have my job and I do love the work that I do but lateley I am so bored at work. We are very slow and have even gone to a 4 day week. Even with that I still can not find enough work to fill my days.

I am a hard worker and I love to be busy. I hate sitting at my desk with nothing to do. I am trying to be positive that things will pick up soon and we will be back to 5 days a week and busy. The practical side of me thinks it might be time to look for another job because in this economy who can afford to be on a short week. The loyal part of me doesn't want to jump ship if this is just a small bump in the road.

The postive part of me having no work is that I have time to blog and read other blogs. I have read a lot of interesting stuff in the last two days. The other bonus is that I have had time to plan my bff's party this Saturday and get my list ready for next week when I runaway to my dad's with my heart sister and bff.

I guess I have survived the last few weeks of short weeks I can handle a few more.

Have you seen that girl

Yesterday seemed to be a day of memories about the girl I used to be. The girl I was when I got pregnant at 18 and decided to make a life with my son's father. We had another little one a year later. As I was talking yesterday about different stories from those days it amazed me that I had no fear of how my life would turn out. I just figured it was meant to be and life would unfold as it should.

A few years later I left their father and became a single mom and still that young girl I was just took this as a challenge and forged ahead. I wonder what ever became of that girl that was so full of life and wasn't scared of these huge challenges. I would like to find that girl again and add her to the woman I have become.

The woman I have become worries about her kids futures and if she gave them enough love and support for them to have good futures. I wonder why they are not eager to go out on their own and find their own adventures. I look at them and wonder how I ever survived all that I had thrown at me at such a young age but that girl hadn't lost love or had her heart broken so I guess she was still naive to how cruel the world can be.

The woman I am proud to be has taken all those life lessons and tried to turn them into just that life lessons and am moving forward and becoming strong again.

What a weekend

Went to my dad's this weeekend for the annual party. What a blast the party was but there were many adventures along the way.

My dad lives in the country now he has no animals but all of his neighbours have farms. Yesterday as we were driving into town to get the party essentials we noticed that some of his neighbours were having a problem. We stopped to see what the problem was well it turned out that a three rams had got loose and had no intention of going back to their enclosure. So we got out and helped them put the rams back where they belonged. Once all this was done we went on our way to town.

Last night the party was amazing not only did good people show but also my cousin from Cambodia called. This was such an awesome surprise she had to get up at 6am and use a day's salary to call but she made sure she did it. Then my cousin Jennifer called to have a drink with us, she lives 24 hours away. At the end of the night I got to talk to my godfather and have a drink with him.

This morning I got up to find out that we had to help the neighbours move the cows from one pasture to another so off my dad and I went. It was so much fun to watch the cows get excited to have fresh grass and clover to eat.

Then the adventures were over and we had to return home to housework and laundry. At least I had an amazing weekend and made some new friends and rebonded with old ones.

Proud of my cousins work in Cambodia

I just received the latest update from my cousin about all the work she is doing in Cambodia. I have listed the link below for anyone that might be interested.

http://abc-rice.com/

When she first left to go to Cambodia I thought girl I know you are flaky and do crazy things but how are we as a family going to come rescue you half a world away. This was my constant thoughts as it became clear she was not coming home soon.

Then she shocked me and probably most of my family by actually pulling off her dream of starting a school and helping the orphans. She got herself a small job so she could stay in Cambodia then she got the paperwork filed to become a proper charity so people can donate to the school.

You have to understand this girl had a habit of deciding to do things at the last moment and not think about the follow through or consequences of her crazy but fun choices. She has slept on my couch when she decided on the spur of the moment to live in Toronto so you can understand why I was worried. Well I am now one of her biggest supportors and so proud of her. I have never seen her look so calm and at peace. She has always searched for her place in this world and she has finally found it.

When I read all the sacrifices she has had to make. I see the pictures of the mattress she sleeps on. It amazes me and makes me stop and think about if I could make such sacrifices and truthfully there is no way I could commit to such hard work, little pay and horrible living conditions. As my cousin reminds me she gets paid in hugs, kisses and praise. She says that is all she needs to live on.

Again I must say how proud I am of her. I miss her like crazy but thank goodness we have facebook and e-mail to keep in touch

Party time

Looking forward to my weekend. I am going to my dad's for a yearly cornroast to celebrate mine and my cousins birthdays. It will be a very small gathering this year but I think that it is going to still be a blast and because it is small I will get to visit with everyone. Normally I just get to visit with a couple of people because it is so big and busy.

I can't believe the fall is already here and this time tomorrow night I will be at my dads getting ready for the party. I am now into my official party month. You see I strongly believe that birthdays and Christmas should be celebrated multiple times and stretched for as long as possible. My birthday is normally a month worth of celebrations with family and friends. This year looks to be a good one.

This weekend I am at my dads with extended family, then next week will be celebration with my kids and then to top of the month my BFF, Heart Sister and I are all going back to my dads for a girls weekend. I am told they are looking forward to me being unable to get my pj's on. This seems to be the highlight of our weekend away.

First day of school

I think I am one of the very few parents that does not get excited about the first day of school and does not take the day off of work. For me back to school means the start of routine and homework both things that I am not a fan of.

My youngest is in SK, so last year I understood dropping him off since it was his first year of school but today I dropped him at daycare and they took him to school. As I was reading facebook this morning I was shocked that almost all of my friends took the day off work to drop and pick up their kids from school.

I was actually starting to wonder if I was like the worst parent in the world for not taking the day off but then I picked up Ethan from daycare and he told me all about his day and how proud he was to be big enough to go to school without me. This made my day and I don't feel like the worst mother in the world.

I think it is great for all the parents that are able to have today off and have a great first day of school tradition but for me I have had a lot of time off this summer to hang out with Ethan and make memories and that is what I would rather use my vacation time for. I get the bare minimum at my work so I treasure the days I do get off.

Sorry if this is sounding more like a rant then a blog but I am way past my bedtime and so desperatley wanted to blog tonight since I have missed the last few.

Why am I up

This is hopefully my last friday off of work (I say this because I will start being docked pay soon if we don't go back full time) and my husband just announced he is not going to work. This is wonderful news I get to sleep in and just relax but instead I am awake and just realized that he will be working around the house and so much for my quiet day with Ethan.

I will have to explain to my hubby that no loud banging or noise is aloud on these precious days. These golden days off of work with Ethan are to be treasured by watching tv, building forts, reading stories and just being lazy. Not only will we be back to work and school soon but he is also growing so fast that before you know it he will be too busy for building forts or snuggling. I am hoping not for a few years but we will see.

It will be interesting with my husband home. You see he does not view a day off the same as Ethan and I. Hopefully him being home will add to our day off not take away from it. I will be sure to blog tonight to fill you in.

It looks like it is going to be a gorgeous day maybe I will fill his pool and we can hang in the backyard. I can't believe this is the last long weekend of the summer. The weather is gorgeous thankfully.

Yeah Dad is almost home

Wow I am so excited I finally have my computer all to myself and I can write my blog without rushing.

I am enjoying the sound of nothing for a change, I know I should be doing a million things like cleaning my house or doing laundry but I am drawn to my blog although I have no idea what to write about.

My dad and I are extremley close and he has been out of town for the last couple of weeks visiting family. I was getting updates via text message and facebook about where he was and what he was doing. Normally when he is away I have no way of contacting him or knowing what he is doing so this was neat.

I talk to my dad all the time but especially on Wednesdays so last night I get this text from my cousin asking where is my call it is Wednesday. I immediatley picked up the phone and called. It feels good to know that my dad misses me even when surronded by other family members.

This morning I got a text that he is on his way home I won't see him until next week but it is nice to know that by tomorrow night he will be only hours away not days away.

I reminded him that my girls weekend is coming up and we are running away to his house so he had to be home for that. He assured me that if he was not home he would send us plane tickets to Thunder Bay and then he would pick us up. He would not abandoned us on girls runaway weekend. Although Thunder Bay is nice I am glad that he will be home for our runaway weekend.

I am proud to say that my dad and I are very close and I hope to have this type of relationship with my children as they become adults.

I guess I found my topic for my blog

Interloper

I must apologize before I write my blog that I have not been writing. Life got crazy but a good hectic so I had no chance to use the computer.

I have worked at my company for two years and thought wouldn't it be nice if I could have a lunch buddy since I have no one to even have break with. Then last week my coworker switched his lunch I thought this is great. It was great for the first few days but now I feel like he is interlopping on my lunch time and that I have to make conversation and be nice even when I just want to read my book or play with my ipod.

Don't get me wrong my coworker is great and we have great conversations I just dont't like the idea of sharing every lunch hour with someone. This is very different feeling for me I am a social butterfly and love to visit and chat with people. I am sure that this feeling will pass and I will begin to enjoy having a lunch buddy but for now it just feels strange.

Off to have lunch and see what conversation comes from it.

A and The

It was just pointed out to me that everyone I introduce either has the word a or the in front of their name. The Andrea, The Dean, A Julie, The Corrie, The Barb that kind of thing. I didn't realize this until tonight and it is so true. Their is no rhyme or reason as to if someone gets an A or The.

I think it is interesting that we have these habits we do not even realize until it is pointed out to us. I can't tell you why I started or when but it is a fact and I think it is very interesting.

I wonder now what else I do that I am not even aware of.

Drinking games and not 16

Well last night I decided to bond with my children by playing a game called Ride The Bus this sounded innocent enough for a drinking game. All was fine until their friend showed up and then a war began between him and I and needless to say it did not end well for me.

Not being 16 anymore I apparently have lost the ability to remain on my bed when the spins happen and well next thing I knew I was leaping off the bed because in my condition this seemed like a lovely idea. The only problem was that I could not get back onto the bed so I remained on the floor last night.

I am proud to say that somehow this morning I am awake and not in rough shape but I have a feeling that the rough shape is around the corner and I have a party to host this evening with more drinking.

I have realized that I am not 16 and back to back parties are not a good idea. Oh well lesson learned for this time.

So much too say and so little time

I have so many things I want to blog about but since I only have two followers I don't want to bore you with the same stuff so I decided today instead since I have a short time to write this to tell you a funny story and it is all true.

Yesterday morning my mind and body did not want to go to work. You see they did not tell me this, they just got together and made this decision. So I am driving to work (so I thought) but I missed my turn to the highway no biggie I will go the long but relaxing way. Then as I am driving along the second route I missed the turn to get to work. At this point I am realizing that there are factors at work that have nothing to do with me conciously not wanting to be at work. I finally fooled my mind and body and made it to work.

Then I got to work and of course as it has been for the last few weeks chaos was all around me but my mind decided to get my emotions involved at this point and I was ready to quit for no paticular reason and had the sales manger not stopped me my mind and body would have won. Luckily for me my common sense showed up and stopped all the foolishness. I ended up having a great day and found my way home to a very sucky 5 year old. At this point I gave in to my mind and body and did nothing last night but snuggled and at his insistence that pizza can be ordered and delivered we did just that.

The highlight for him was that I only ordered enough pizza for the two of us and then we ate it in my room while watching tv. I guess it was a well needed rest for my mind and body who were conspiring against me all day.

I hope if this hasn't made you laugh then that it has at least put a smile on your face

Visiting the non existent

Five years ago for no reason given my cousin and his wife disowned myself, husband and children. Ours was always a relationship of him trying to have power and pulling many a guilt trip which I might add did not work. Although he is family and I do love him I must admit I have not missed the battles and other antics.

Today his mother asked me to please come to his 60th birthday. You see it breaks her heart that we no longer speak so she has to have two christmas', two thanksgivings', two birthdays. Well you get the point. I felt horrible a few years ago that he would not show for her birthday. You see I have tried to mend these fences more than once.

I am not sure what is bothering me more the fact that I don't miss him or our relationship or the fact that I am going against all I believe in by going to this party for him. I know it would break my aunt's heart if I do not at least keep trying but I figure when does he have to try. There will never be an explanation given and I also do not think that is fair I am supposed to just move on and start fresh.

Ethan has no idea who this man or his family is and my older boys don't want to know him anymore after what he has done by ignoring us for the last five years.

I guess in just a few short weeks we will see how this goes. I have already told my aunt that I will not stay if there are is any nastiness and that I can only stay for a few hours.

I hope that I am making the right decision.

Praise unexpected

I was reminded tonight that my son and his friends do truly appreciate the little things that I do for them. I don't do any of these for any sort of thanks or praise. I do them because I am able and I love having them in my house.

First tonight I went and picked up food for them they thanked me when I got back and even gave me gas money. Secondly Douglas' friend is moving to Italy in less then two weeks so he asked if he could have a going away party. This would mean me find accomadations for the night for myself, Ethan and my husband. I did this willingly because I can't imagine having my close friend move away. Tongiht Douglas and his friend both came to me and thanked me for making the party possible. They also assured me that they would respect my home and our neighbours.

I don't know what I am happier about the thanks that I got or the fact that they appreciate the little things. I am not going to dwell on which to enjoy I am just going to enjoy this moment and savour it.

Mom layers

I was just sitting here thinking that along with the fact that there is no manual for how to raise children they also don't tell you that motherhood has many layers. Maybe it is because I have such a huge age gap with my boys or the fact that all three are complete opposites of each other but i have had to delve into my layers a lot lateley.

Edward is the oldest and although he is not a bad kid he makes some really dumb decisions and is not very easily motivated. He has goals and dreams and the ability to reach them but zero motivation. So for him I have to be his cheerleader even for little things, I have to be his reason (hope he stops before making dumb decisions), his guardian and for him I need to be psychic so that I can know when I have a sliver of a chance for a deep conversation with him.

Douglas is the middle child and he is so much like me and the wild person I would love to have had the chance to be had I not been a mom so early. For him I am his guard to keep him in line, his sounding board, his nurse when he is too stubborn to listen to his body when he is sick or injured. With him I have also had to learn how to walk the fine line between parent with rules and parent with guidelines since he is so independent. Although he is wild in many ways he is also the responsible one a full time job and dreams of college.

Ethan is my youngest. I thought his brothers were a handful but Ethan can put both of them to shame. He tests my courage, patience, wisdom and confidence daily. He is so busy trying to be big like his brothers that he has some major attitude one minute then the next he is sunggling and telling me he loves me. He also has my husbands rigidness when it comes to routine and I fight routine with ever fibre in my body.

For all three of them I am also their rock, the safe one they can fight with and be horrible to when the world overwhelms them. It has taken me a long time to realize that being dumped on (of course respectfully) is a sign of a good parent. My kids feel safe to tests their limits with me because even if I don't change my mind or give in I will always love them and this will always be there home.

I have also learned to stop and smell the roses in a sense with my boys. The older two rarley tell me that they love me but if I stop and either listen to how they are with their friends or what they tell them about me then I get the praise and reassurance that I got some things right with me.

The other day Edward sent me a text telling me what a wonderful mom I am and that I should not worry about my parenting skills that I have given him all the tools he needs he just has to use them. This will be stored on my phone forever. It is one of those rare yeah moments for a mom with boys on the verge of manhood.

Perfect day

Today started as any normal crazy hectic Saturday in my house but as I prayed and mentally decided that I would savour today no matter what it brought I was amazed at how peaceful and stress free I felt today.

I had the usual bumps in the road my youngest yammering on about the same topic a million times and I completley over booked myself but yet I was able to find time to have breakfast out with my oldest and his girlfriend and have a quick but great visit with my heart sister and her kids. Both of these things I would normally not have enjoyed because I would have been thinking about where I had to go next.

I went to a friend's party and while I was there she commented that I looked tired and I was able to say not a bit just totally calm and relaxed for a change. I realize that life will happen again and chaos will ensue but for today I was able to claim victory over my hectic life and I made some awesome memories with my family.

Then to top off an already amazing day my modern day prince charming decided to join myself and our youngest for fireworks which he has never done before. We just sat there watching our youngest dance to the music and awe at the fireworks. Now I am sitting here and listening to the rain which is one of my favourite sounds.

I am going to go and enjoy a glass of wine, listen to the rain and savour my perfect day.

If you were given a brand new yacht, what would you name it?

Ghost Catcher

Ask me anything

If you could have an endless supply of any food, what would you get?

Steak the best cuts

Ask me anything

If you could go on vacation for the next month with an unlimited budget, where would you go?

Australia and explore every corner

Ask me anything

If you had to give up one favorite food, what would the most difficult?

Steak I would probably have a melt down

Ask me anything

What's the best gift you've ever given?

The gift of being able to open my door to all who need a place

Ask me anything

Get to know me better

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Memories are bittersweet

Had an awesome day visiting with my aunt today. I had the day off work so my youngest and I went off to my aunts for the day. It was a perfect relaxing visit and it reminded me of so many days long ago when life was not busy and I would spend hours with my aunt listening to her tales and advice.

As I sat there today listening to her stories while she painted my nails an awesome shade of blue I started to think about how if my mother was still alive this would have been her kind of perfect afternoon. Relaxing telling stories and tons of laughter. I also started to remember many lazy summer afternoons spent with my uncle many years ago before he passed.

As I said the memories are bittersweet they are great memories but the reminder that loved ones are long gone to never come again is very heartbreaking. I also realized as I watched my aunt today that my youngest will never get to have lazy summers with my mom or uncle they way I used to and the lessons that were learned.

My uncle truly believed that I was a princess and therefore should have the best. I remember shopping with him and picking up a pair of jeans that were identical to a pair I had seen earlier but these ones were cheaper. He refused to let me buy them I had to have the first pair simply because they were more expensive and I deserved them. He always took pride anytime he took me anywhere with him. It broke my heart in so many pieces that day that we lost him I was three months pregnant with my oldest and could not believe that he would not be here to welcome this new angel into the world. I was also a teenage mother and have always believed and always will that the news that I was pregnant broke his heart and caused him to have a heart attack. This is not news I share with many people but it is the way I feel and always will. He has come back many times over the years to reassure me that this is not the case (remember I believe in ghosts) but my heart has never healed.

My mother was blessed to welcome my two oldest angels into this world and they were here world.She would beam and she told people about her grandbabies.We lost her right before Christmas almost seventeen years ago. I remember I was christmas shopping and had this urge that I had to get home I wasn't even in the door 5 minutes when the call came that we had lost my mother. From her death I gained strength I didn't know that I had or needed. Her death gave me courage to leave my boy's father and this was a long time coming I just needed encouragement. I look back now on all the lost times we should have had together had I left my ex earlier. I also still want to call her on a daily basis. She has come back many times over the years sometimes for comfort, sometimes for strength and mostly to kick my butt.

I wish that all my children would have had the chance to get to know these awesome people and have amazing memories like I do. I also often wonder if my youngest will get to spend summers with my aunt the way I and his brothers did. She is getting older and although she is still healthy and active it is alot to handle an active little one.

Joys of driving

Well I am so loving blogging that I am using my break time at work to blog. Hopefully as time goes on my writing will get better and my topics will become more interesting.

I recently began driving to work and I was so busy just trying to get to work and get home that I was finding it stressful then I realized that I should take full advantage of my commute. I now crank the music whatever happens to be on my ITouch that morning and I found a new route it is a little longer but much nicer and the scenery is gorgeous. I didn't even know that we had such nice scenery in my town.

My drive is now much more relaxing and I am learning to love music that I had long forgotten about because much of what is on my ITouch is music that my young adult boys enjoy so that we have common ground to talk about when I am driving them from here to there. This morning I was blessed with listening to the Beatles I forgot how much I used to enjoy their music.

I am looking forward to what other surprises lie ahead on my ITouch. I will enjoy the next little while of nice driving weather so that hopefully when the winter weather hits I will have awesome memories to get me through the crappy drives that I am sure are ahead.

See I have always taken public transit to work and swore that driving would bring me no benefit but after just a few short weeks of driving I doubt I will take public transit again. It is so nice to not have to fight for a seat on the bus or have to listen to everyone else's conversations.

Name of my blog

I chose the name of my blog because I do truly believe in ghosts. Not the casper type that scare and haunt you but the type that are either helpful or mischevious.

There is a family ghost called Placid he has a habit of taking stuff and moving it or hiding it. I know it might seem strange but I have lived with him all of my life. He is currently picking on my son's girlfriend. Everytime she turns around something of hers has been moved.

I have also seen other spirits and they are always here to either comfort me or teach me a lesson. I have seen my mother more times than I can count since she passed away and it is normally about the time I need my butt kicked for one thing or another.

I have cousins who have also experienced the same thing so it seems to be a very common thing. As I talk to people I am amazed at how many people have either experienced something similar or at least believe.

I would love to hear other people's experiences.

Modern Day Prince Charming

I grew up with many wonderful magical relationships around me. I always assumed that once I got married that I would be with prince charming who would shower me with attention, gifts and we would be blissfully happy forever and ever.

Well I did marry my prince charming but he is not as perfect as I first thought and shockingly we have not always been blissfully happy. Jobs, children and life have not always been kind to our relationship.

I realized a little while ago that the problem was that the image I had was based on everyone else's opinion of a happy marriage or prince charming. Once I stepped back and shook my head of those notions I realized that I had a modern day prince charming. I get the occasional gift that I wasn't expecting but mostly I get a solid guy who is an awesome father, would die for me and thinks that the sun rises and sets on my head. So yes this is not everything I imagined but I think I am blessed that after 11 years of marriage we are still in love and I still get the occasional surprise gift.

Maybe I will be lucky and when the kids move and we retire I will have all of his attention and gifts but if not I will remember the good things and be thankful for all I have.

Ask me anything

Since I am new at blogging and not even sure if anyone will read or follow this. I thought I would let people ask me anything to get to know me better but also to help me with my blog

First Blog

I have never blogged, kept a journal or diary. My mother never believed in such things so I never did. I now wish that over the years I had kept journals or diaries there are so many things I would like to be able to remember in full.

So for the first time in my 30 some years I am now trying just that. I am hoping that people will comment and help me on how to blog if there is such a thing.

I would love to be able to look back and remember what is was like to be in love for the first time, how my heart healed from my first of many broken hearts. What it felt like to loose my friends over the years as life got busy and we all went in different directions. The joy I felt the first time I held my children, got married bought my first home these types of things.

I was so busy with always decluttering my home that I ended up decluttering my life of the many treasures I wish I still had to share with my husband and children.

This seems to be a year of growth and self discovery I am not sure where this journey will take me but for the first time in my life I am an open book and willing to see how I will grow and change. I am not normally an emotional person but this year I seem to always be close to my heart, dreams and memories