Mom layers

I was just sitting here thinking that along with the fact that there is no manual for how to raise children they also don't tell you that motherhood has many layers. Maybe it is because I have such a huge age gap with my boys or the fact that all three are complete opposites of each other but i have had to delve into my layers a lot lateley.

Edward is the oldest and although he is not a bad kid he makes some really dumb decisions and is not very easily motivated. He has goals and dreams and the ability to reach them but zero motivation. So for him I have to be his cheerleader even for little things, I have to be his reason (hope he stops before making dumb decisions), his guardian and for him I need to be psychic so that I can know when I have a sliver of a chance for a deep conversation with him.

Douglas is the middle child and he is so much like me and the wild person I would love to have had the chance to be had I not been a mom so early. For him I am his guard to keep him in line, his sounding board, his nurse when he is too stubborn to listen to his body when he is sick or injured. With him I have also had to learn how to walk the fine line between parent with rules and parent with guidelines since he is so independent. Although he is wild in many ways he is also the responsible one a full time job and dreams of college.

Ethan is my youngest. I thought his brothers were a handful but Ethan can put both of them to shame. He tests my courage, patience, wisdom and confidence daily. He is so busy trying to be big like his brothers that he has some major attitude one minute then the next he is sunggling and telling me he loves me. He also has my husbands rigidness when it comes to routine and I fight routine with ever fibre in my body.

For all three of them I am also their rock, the safe one they can fight with and be horrible to when the world overwhelms them. It has taken me a long time to realize that being dumped on (of course respectfully) is a sign of a good parent. My kids feel safe to tests their limits with me because even if I don't change my mind or give in I will always love them and this will always be there home.

I have also learned to stop and smell the roses in a sense with my boys. The older two rarley tell me that they love me but if I stop and either listen to how they are with their friends or what they tell them about me then I get the praise and reassurance that I got some things right with me.

The other day Edward sent me a text telling me what a wonderful mom I am and that I should not worry about my parenting skills that I have given him all the tools he needs he just has to use them. This will be stored on my phone forever. It is one of those rare yeah moments for a mom with boys on the verge of manhood.