Perfect Day for a Five Year Old

Well without any planning on my part Ethan had a perfect day yesterday and one I hope he cherises forever.

1 - Carwash which is his favourite thing of all time
2- Went to pick up Douglas' lunch and the waitress there gave Ethan 5 crazy bands for his collection
3 - Went to deliver Douglas' lunch and bonus he could have lunch with us so we got to hang out
4 - While having lunch a a paramedic came in and started chatting with Ethan and then went out to the ambulance and got him a bear
5- Was in the Christmas Pagent at church as a little drummer boy - we also had a band at the church for after the children's pagent and the singer from the band complimented Ethan on his performance as a drummer boy
6- To top off this perfect day Ethan and I had a splash contest which he won hands down

These are the days that being a mom is priceless I got nothing acomplished that was on my list but my little man went to bed last night with a huge smile and I was thankful to God for giving me this day and that I actually stopped long enough to grab hold and enjoy.

The life I wanted

I went for supper last night with my ex mother in law and then went back to her condo where I got to visit with a ton of the family that I have not seen in forever.

The life I envisioned as a little girl included a sister in law that I could laugh and cry with. Cousins for my children and in-laws that I loved and the best part we all live close enough to be in each others lives daily or at least weekly.

I do not miss the life I had with my ex he was bad news and I am very happy with my hubby and the life we have together but what I miss is that there is no sister in law or cousins. Also the fact that my in laws live so far away.

Near the end of my life with the ex his brother met and married an amazing women who had our pathes crossed in a different way would have become one of my cherised friends but alas that is not how things turned out. My ex and his family live on the same street and are blessed to see each other all the time.

Last night at the last minute I decided to go in and visit and there was Diana, Dege their youngest and my boys half brother. This is the go to house where life is safe and where things make sense.

You see my ex mother in law is one of the toughest women I know not only did she help build a business with the love of her life she also watched the love of her life be taken away by cancer. Instead of this causing her to withdraw from life she came out fighting for the business and her family. There are many layers to this woman and yes she has made a mountain of mistakes which she will admit to and then tell you to learn from her mistakes.

The one thing she does not regret is opening her home to her children, their spouses and their children. She will never know what it is like to sit on her couch and have peace and quiet but she will also never be alone.

I have been blessed over the years to have to her advice and I am privleged to still be considered part of the family. It was awesome yesterday to walk in and have hugs and stories all around.

I would love Ethan to have this type of connection. He has an awesome relationship with his grandparents but they live so far away that he can't just decide to go for the night and their will never be cousins for him. This blog has helped me to put things in perspective yes I did not get the life I envisioned but I got so much more.

Cute socks=no stress

I have been in a funk lateley and not sure why. It is very unlike me to be in a funk for this long I am human and do have my moments like everyone but mine are normally short lived.

I have been praying, pondering and begging the universe, God, somebody anybody to get me out of this funk. Well they all were listening and tag teamed me.

I went to the dentist yesterday and was wearing bright pink Tweety Bird socks (not matching) and the dentist comes in takes one look at them and says "You have cute socks how can you have stress" this comment made me smile and laugh inside all day. The start to the funk leaving.

Then yesterday afternoon I got a bladder infection which would normally not be a good thing but I took this as a sign that I better start taking care of myself so I got medication and went home to my room to veg and watch tv. Ethan brought me his favourite bear and blanket and snuggled with me. Then my oldest one and his girlfriend brought me McDonald's for supper so I wouldn't have to get out of bed for anything.

On top of all this attention were the well wishes from FB. Needless to say have a guilt free night vegging in the middle of the week and a silly comment from the dentist have seemed to lift my funk. I did thank God and the Universe this morning because their tag team did an amazing job.

I know my mood is gone because when I went into my messy kitchen this morning it didn't even bother me that I had to tidy it.

Relationship Repair???

I sat this weekend visiting with my dad and watching him play with Ethan and it made me so sad. Sad because he has never nor will he ever have that relationship with my older boys.

Sad also because he will never understand why they don't want a relationship with a man that to them doesn't respect or understand them. See since I had my boys so young in life my dad decided that he should be tough on them to help they grow up properly but by doing this all he did was alienate them.

I have tried over the years to explain to all of them what happened so that forgivness can begin and a relationship start to grow but alas none of them understand the others side. I hope that someday when they mature they will have some type of relationship with him. I know my dad longs for that but the years of him teasing and being tough have taken their toll.

See I have boys who need extra love, attention and lots of hugs not critisim for all their mistakes. They get enough of that from the world. This year for my dad's birthday since the boys are almost adults I left it up to them to call him for his birthday and they both declined.

I tried over the years to tell my dad that the boys need him to play with them, hug them and be papa but he never knew how to relate to this boys from the city who watch TV and play video games. I have tried to point out their achievements over the years and although my dad tells me he is proud he has never told them.

I watch him with my cousins children who are into the things he can relate to (fishing hunting camping) and he is such a diffrerent man. I hope this man will someday appear with my older boys. This is the papa that Ethan has and that is such a joy but bittersweet.

He is an awesome man and all of us who have had the privlege of knowing the real him, the soft loveable him admire and respect him. I remember a few years ago we were at a funeral and my older boys asked why does everyone respect Papa so much. This broke my heart for they never got to see the side that is tough but loveable. They only ever saw the tough unfair side.

Friendships change and mature

I find it so funny that when it comes to friendships people get all scared and shaken to the core when there is a change in dynamics, yet in marriages we expect and embrace these changes as growth.

I recently was blessed enough to have my own car (making payments but it is still mine) and I am loving this freedom. I was very shocked to have some of my closest friends not only been upset that I went ahead with this but have now done all they can to still change my mind.

At first I was completely taken back and upset but lately I have come to the realization that it is not the cost that is the concern it is the fact that now there is a dynamic change. I no longer have to depend on them for rides or to go shopping. I have done my best to include them and I have offered to pick them up since I figure I owe them for the years of driving me everywhere.

I am sure as time goes on and this change becomes routine we will be back to the goofy girls we normally are. I am sure they do not even realize they are acting this way. I just hope the time will come when they can be excited for me.

I do realize I have stretched my budget to get this car but having so much extra time with Ethan is so worth it. He is no longer the clingy grouchy child. Sure he stil has his moods but not half as bad as when I took the bus and was never home or if I was home I was always tired.

Sometimes time is worth more than a balanced budget. Yes there are many luxries in life I will be giving up but everytime I get to be the one to wake him up or pick him up early so we can watch a movie before making supper I realize that I made the right choice.

Soul Collector - How Beautiful

I have been critized plenty about the fact that my door is always open to friends and family and I have passed this tradition on to my children. Yes at times I shake my head at my open door policy when all I want is peace and quiet and instead I have a full house. Sometimes it is just people chilling but normally it is a soul that needs some type of mending whether that be a hug, a smile, a shoulder, advice or sometimes a kick in the butt (not literally).

Well the other night I was paid an awesome compliment about my open door policy. My neighbour and quickly becoming a friend called me a soul collector. She said it is nice to know she can call and I am there to help her laugh and forget about the crap she is going through. She was at my recent girls night and noticed that I have such a smorgasbord of friends and realized that is because I collect souls damaged or not and that I love deep and wide.

I am sure that as I get more comfortable blogging some of these stories will be told.

I will cherish these words the next time I am critized about my open door policy or when I am shaking my head at my full house.

Beautiful Video and Song - Rememberance Day

http://www.nationalpost.com/wesaluteourheroes/index.html

I tried to put this link in my earlier post but it did not work. The video and lyrics are gorgeous and so true.

Lest we remember - 2 minutes

I am saddened today that noone in my office except myself could be bothered to take two minutes of silence to remember those that sacrificed their lives for us. I understand we live in a busy society but two minutes of silence is that really too much to ask.

Now on the other hand I was amazed that Ethan told me this morning that today was about the soldiers that died and he had to wear red to remember them. Also the amount of gratitude on FB today was amazing.

Hopefully the day will come when all will pay their respects on this special day. It would be wonderful if the soldiers and their families were in our thoughts always.

Happy rememberance day. Lest we and the next generation not forget.

Tim Hortons is a lifesaver

I know I already posted today but I just can't stop myself from posting again.

I realized today that the way I deal with stress and yes it does work is Tim Hortons. I get a XLG Steeped Tea with milk and sugar along with a cheese tea biscuit with butter and I am telling you that by the time I have ate and savoured my tea the world is all good again.

With the week I am having I think I might need to buy stock in Tim Hortons but hey I am going broke but my stress level is almost at zero.

Thank you Tim Hortons you have made this girls week survivable.

Hand me downs not Crap me downs

I will start this off by saying I am pissed and venting so bear that in mind as you read my blog.

I have a friend who loves to give my youngest hand me down toys and clothes and I am all for that between the economy and the enviroment I think this is a great idea. The problem I have with this person is that lateley most of the stuff he is giving us couldn't even be used for rags. I find it rather disrespectful that he would assume that we are in such need that even the stuff that should be in the trash we will be thankful for.

Now when the stuff is good it is really good but that is rare. My hubby sent this guy a letter asking him to please not give us his garbage just hand me downs for Ethan. His response is that we should be thankful that he gives us anything.

Now I give hand me downs to my friends and I am sure that a stained shirt or pant has slipped into the bag but I have never given clothes that the entire crotch are of the pants is cut out or toys that only have half of the items required. The best thing (sarcastic) was he gave us all the covers and instruction booklets for his kids video games.

After a long heated discussion between my hubby and I a we decided after the response we received to drop off all the garbage to his friend and let him deal with it.

I am sorry but have respect for people when giving them hand me downs. I mean I am very practical and thankful that between the group of us that does this tradition I have had to buy very little for Ethan and 90 percent of what I get is amazing stuff.

Girls night

Well this last Saturday was my first annual girls night. I decided that instead of just inviting the same girls that I hang out with I will invite all of my friends, neighbours, casual friends and of course my heart sister and BFF.

As time approached I was getting nervous about what if this mix of girls does not get along or worse yet what if nobody shows up. Well to my surprise almost everyone I invited showed up some for a long period, some for a short visit and one girl came twice.

It was a night of reforging friendships, creating new bonds and just relaxing with each other. Although we are all in different stages of life and relationships it was wonderful to sit back and watch this girls laughing and talking and hugging each other.

I was talking to one of my neighbours and it amazed me how thankful she was to be included in such a night. She had planned on only staying a few hours but ended up being here most of the night and I think I can honestly say that we are now more than neighbours.

My newest gal pal showed up and wow does she ever fit well with the rest of my girls. I must say I would not think twice about calling her in the middle of the night if I had a crisis. I think she will be a keeper.

It always amazes me the power of a group of women in a room they will either bond immediatley or just be pleasant. I am proud to say that this group definatley bonded and we will be doing this every year.

We even called my cousin who lives far away to include her. She was so excited to be included. This was a night that made memories and one I will treasure for a lifetime.

Friendly moose

My dad is a hunter and this year him and his neighbours have decided to hunt deer. Of course they have seen no deer so far but yesterday a female moose decided to take up the watch with them. They couldn't believe how close she was and she talked away to them and kept them company.I reminded my dad that obviously the moose is very smart and knows that none of them can shoot her and that since the deer were not cooperating she should keep them company.I have known my dad's neighbours for years and as he was telling me this story last night I felt like I was there in the bush with them looking and talking to this moose. You see my dad is an amazing story teller. He was so excited about his experience that he had to call me last night to share this amazing experience.I am so blessed that my dad and I are so close that we call each other for these little things that I am sure seem silly to other people. So yesterday was a perfect day an awesome story from my dad and then an awesome date with my hubby.