Life is crazy

Well I have been on a rollercoaster again but this time its been a good rollercoaster.

We went from my hubby having no job prospects to him having one job interview, another one booked and he became a home inspector. The home inspector job is cool because he can do this part time even when he gets a full time job. We may get out of debt in this decade.

I have had many opportunities this week to spend with all of my children some good, some bad and some not so sure.

My middle child bought a new bbq and he spent Sunday and Monday assembling it then cooked an amazing steak supper on Tuesday. He is growing and maturing but still not sure where he wants to go. He needs a purpose so I hope he finds one soon.

My oldest came to me and admitted that he once again made a bad decision I'm not sure what this means but he is going to try and fix it himself. It is so frustrating for me because I see such potential in him where he sees none. He is on a destructive path and as a mother its so hard to have to sit back and let him hit rock bottom. I go from feeling like what the hell did I do wrong to just having my heart break for him

I spent time with my oldest son's girlfriend its been amazing to watch her mature and really try to help out more around the house and just be part of the family.

My little one has his own social circle so it is not so easy to spend time with him these days but it is nice when he comes and just gives me a snuggle or kiss.

God speaks

I was stuck in a major traffic jam this morning and the lord took this opportunity to speak to me about my boredom/restlessness.

I finally came to the realization that like a good garden that is tended with love and care I also have to take care of my life. If I'm bored or restless with my life or my husband then its my job to figure out why and fix it. At first I was like hey lord remember you didn't want me to jump through hoops to make everyone happy and he "bonked" me on the head. I can still shake things up without jumping through hoops. I have to get back to being the true me and then find some challenges in life and tackle them.

Being a wife, mother, friend, daughter, niece all of these things make up the best part of me but the absolute best part is how strong and honest I am. With these wonderful wisdoms from the lord I am going to shake things up at home in a good and positive way.

I also refuse to let this slump I'm in to get the upper hand so its getting a boot and I'm going to start enjoying life and be less busy. I so love this blog and thank my heart sister everytime I use my blog to vent or sort out life.

Marriage woes

I do love my husband and I'm glad that I fought like hell to keep us together but now that we are settled into the new routine I must admit although quietly that I'm not sure what we have in common any more.

I gave up TV so I would have time to do other things and I've tried including him but his not interested he wants to watch his shows. I figure hey we have weekends but no were both so busy.

I'm hoping that this is just because we've had no alone time to talk and just hang out in awhile because I don't want to be that women that just isn't happy with all she has and needs to see whats on the other side of the fence.

Yeah he doesn't do the dishes or housework but he spends time with the youngest and lets me come and go as I please on weekends. He thinks the sun rises and sets on my head so I should be happy.

I watch the other fathers play ball with their kids and then it hits me what I'm not happy about is that he's not fun. His world is about learning and being serious. He can't just go to the park to play or just go to the movies to hang out. I'm not sure when this starting out weighing his good qualites but I'm bored and want to have fun.

I know in my heart that we are in a funk because life has handed us some nasty curve balls lately and we barely survived but my head doesnt want to listen to reason it just wants to run away and have fun.

I guess this is the part of being an adult I always feared the growing up and being responsible.

New adventures

I have decided to try my hand at a small home business. We need the extra income and I love the product I'm selling. Now I have to face that demon the one I hate to admit exists the lack of self discipline. I so just want to go read my book tonight but instead I was getting my kit together for my first show tomorrow night.

This new me is tough and wonderful but still has that demon of no self discipline and yes I'm lazy when I have the chance to be. I am trying out this new adventure and although yes some extra money would be great it will also be nice to be able to make me a priority and my hubby will have to accomadate me for a change

Fear is powerful and sneaks in

I haven't been blogging because I've been soul searching and trying to find the women I was a few years ago. The women who didn't make decisions based on doubt or fear, the women who didn't jump through hoops to keep her family happy and balanced.

I'm not sure when or how the fear crept in but all of a sudden I didn't want to say no to anyone and was bending over backwards to keep everyone happy.

My husband loosing his job twice in less then 12 months has had one benefit and that is that I've had to learn how to stand my ground again and say no I'm not going to jump through hoops to fix things. I've also learned that telling my older kids no is not going to ruin them hell it might make them better people.

I had my semi-annual run away with my heart sister this past weekend and I had the first test of the new me. My hubby had a crisis at home with the older children. The old me would've put my visit on hold well I dealt with home and figured something out but instead I texted my husband the kids cell numbers and told him to deal with them direct. What a powerful feeling it was that I stood my ground. The stress is reduced and even with money being tight I can relax and know that all will work out.

I have learned that my marriage is worth fighting for but that doesn't mean that I always give in or jump through hoops. I've also learned that if my kids get pissed off at the new me thats ok because this "new" me is actually the true me and I just lost this part of myself briefly.

I'm so happy to be back and I'm sure I'll be sharing stories about the last little while with everyone in the next little while.