This weekend my husband lost his job again and then we found out he has problems with his hips so any future jobs can't include assembly work. This is a man that is very educated, very smart and very passionate about Social Work but can't find a job in his field so he was doing warehouse work which didn't work out for him.
We have spent all of our savings in the last year since he's been off work and I am not sure how we are going to pay bills and stay afloat without the extra income. I am thankful that my boys pay rent but it doesn't replace my husbands original income from a year ago.
I am not normally an emotional person but this last year is really starting to push me over the edge. I'm not sure how much more I have in me to fight to keep everything together. On top of eveything else this is my depressed time of the year since I miss my mom so much it hurts.
I am leaning on friends, family, church for love and support but I'm really scared of either loosing everything or just loosing my mind and not getting it back. This is a horrible feeling I know the lord has a plan for us but right now I just can't seem to grasp onto that bit of faith.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Been Gone Too Long
Well I have been gone for so long I feel like I have to find my groove again. With my last couple of posts the one thing that I haven't put on here or tried to not dwell on is the tragic accident that my cousin had this summer.
As she and her girls were coming home from a baby shower a guy in a pick up truck fell asleep at the wheel and smashed into their car. My cousins girls in the back seat just 10 and 11 never survived. The driver of the pick up truck died a few weeks later. My cousin and her 17 year old daughter survived but barely. We as a family have been changed permantley and grown stronger and closer. My cousins daughter is home and healing with crutches to get around. My cousin is still in the hospital but hoping to come home in the next two weeks. She is the most amazing women so strong and emotional at once. She knows how to balance the two in a way I couldn't even imagine.
The funeral was so hard. What words do you use to console a mother, father, sister that have lost two angels. My cousin was still on bed rest and in a stretcher for the funerals so she stayed outside on the sidewalk as the rest of us went inside the funeral home to say goodbye to Miki and Alex. Then we wen to the girls school for the funeral it was held in the gym and it was standing room only. I couldn't believe the outpouring of love and support. That love and support has not stopped in the months since. This past weekend there was a fundraiser for the family and again it was standing room only and my cousin was able to attend. It was such a wonderful feeling to see her healing and loving.
I have also had good news two weeks ago my grandson was born and has brought light back into our house. It is still sad and hard to go on but I love coming home on my bad days and holding him. I am very blessed to have such good friends and family.
As she and her girls were coming home from a baby shower a guy in a pick up truck fell asleep at the wheel and smashed into their car. My cousins girls in the back seat just 10 and 11 never survived. The driver of the pick up truck died a few weeks later. My cousin and her 17 year old daughter survived but barely. We as a family have been changed permantley and grown stronger and closer. My cousins daughter is home and healing with crutches to get around. My cousin is still in the hospital but hoping to come home in the next two weeks. She is the most amazing women so strong and emotional at once. She knows how to balance the two in a way I couldn't even imagine.
The funeral was so hard. What words do you use to console a mother, father, sister that have lost two angels. My cousin was still on bed rest and in a stretcher for the funerals so she stayed outside on the sidewalk as the rest of us went inside the funeral home to say goodbye to Miki and Alex. Then we wen to the girls school for the funeral it was held in the gym and it was standing room only. I couldn't believe the outpouring of love and support. That love and support has not stopped in the months since. This past weekend there was a fundraiser for the family and again it was standing room only and my cousin was able to attend. It was such a wonderful feeling to see her healing and loving.
I have also had good news two weeks ago my grandson was born and has brought light back into our house. It is still sad and hard to go on but I love coming home on my bad days and holding him. I am very blessed to have such good friends and family.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
In a funk
I have been crazy busy and that was a good reason for not blogging but I am now realizing its not that I'm too busy its that I'm in my fall funk but it has come early and snuck up on me.
I can understand why its here early I have so much on plate and so little time to process thoughts and emotions about these things. I am trying hard to kick my funk in the butt but it is not working so well.
I am going to go home today and put my house back in order which always helps me fight my funk but the biggest obstacle is the lack of energy that comes with this funk and the fact that the stuff on my main floor doesn't belong to me and yet I am the one that has to deal with the mess and figure out where to put everything.
I love my daughter in law and she has many great qualities but her organization and motivation are not part of that. So she needs to get her space in the basement organized for the baby that is due anytime now but instead she has moved herself to the main floor. I tried to be nice, be patient but now I'm done my house is crazy with all the people in it but everyone has a space and that is how it works.
I just feel like at times I have noone that truly helps or wants to help. I left my husband in charge of our youngest two nights this week and he didn't bother studying his spelling words with him or cleaning up at all. I talked to him last night about this and I was told that he has his own stuff to deal with and that is just how it is. I don't feel that this is acceptable. I have crap on my plate too but yet I still manage to do the day to day stuff and yes even study his words with him.
I am feeling like packing up my youngest and just leaving because then its just the two of us for me to worry about I know its not a solution but since nobody is listening to me right now it seems to be the easiest solution.
For the first time in a long time I have interests that I'm excited about and this is taking me away from the house and I would think with all the people in my house they would be able to keep on top of everything.
Thanks for letting me vent
I can understand why its here early I have so much on plate and so little time to process thoughts and emotions about these things. I am trying hard to kick my funk in the butt but it is not working so well.
I am going to go home today and put my house back in order which always helps me fight my funk but the biggest obstacle is the lack of energy that comes with this funk and the fact that the stuff on my main floor doesn't belong to me and yet I am the one that has to deal with the mess and figure out where to put everything.
I love my daughter in law and she has many great qualities but her organization and motivation are not part of that. So she needs to get her space in the basement organized for the baby that is due anytime now but instead she has moved herself to the main floor. I tried to be nice, be patient but now I'm done my house is crazy with all the people in it but everyone has a space and that is how it works.
I just feel like at times I have noone that truly helps or wants to help. I left my husband in charge of our youngest two nights this week and he didn't bother studying his spelling words with him or cleaning up at all. I talked to him last night about this and I was told that he has his own stuff to deal with and that is just how it is. I don't feel that this is acceptable. I have crap on my plate too but yet I still manage to do the day to day stuff and yes even study his words with him.
I am feeling like packing up my youngest and just leaving because then its just the two of us for me to worry about I know its not a solution but since nobody is listening to me right now it seems to be the easiest solution.
For the first time in a long time I have interests that I'm excited about and this is taking me away from the house and I would think with all the people in my house they would be able to keep on top of everything.
Thanks for letting me vent
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Catch up time
I spent the summer off the computer relaxing with my family and trying to find a new routine and groove. See all my kids are in such different areas of their lives and of course they all have friends that come in and out of our lives.
So this blog is just a quick catch up of my summer and to let you know that I am back not sure how often I will blog but I did miss it.
My cousin Natasha got married and it was the most gorgeous wedding I've been to in a long while. Very low key but so beautiful and at the end of the night her husband surprised her with Fireworks. This was also a well deserved break from the kids and time with my hubby.
Spent a lot of time at the beach this summer and time with my daughter in law getting to know her better. It was a wonderful experience.
Went to see Kenny Chesney with my bff and friend Katie. What a great concert and night out.
Took some of my kids to the Elmvale Zoo and it was so great to just sit back and relax while they wandered and visited with each other.
Did our annual trip to Wonderland this was not as good as I planned. Finally my youngest was tall enough to go on some of the big rides. To my amazement he totally melted down at the idea of going on the bigger rides. He seems to have grown a fear of fast rides or tall rides. Once I got over my disapointment we had a great day.
Added two new events that will become annual events. Santas Village with Aunt Sheila and the Folley Fair with my mother in law.
I also got to have my annual weekend away with my heart sister granted we brought the kids and hubbies but still it was a great time for all.
So this blog is just a quick catch up of my summer and to let you know that I am back not sure how often I will blog but I did miss it.
My cousin Natasha got married and it was the most gorgeous wedding I've been to in a long while. Very low key but so beautiful and at the end of the night her husband surprised her with Fireworks. This was also a well deserved break from the kids and time with my hubby.
Spent a lot of time at the beach this summer and time with my daughter in law getting to know her better. It was a wonderful experience.
Went to see Kenny Chesney with my bff and friend Katie. What a great concert and night out.
Took some of my kids to the Elmvale Zoo and it was so great to just sit back and relax while they wandered and visited with each other.
Did our annual trip to Wonderland this was not as good as I planned. Finally my youngest was tall enough to go on some of the big rides. To my amazement he totally melted down at the idea of going on the bigger rides. He seems to have grown a fear of fast rides or tall rides. Once I got over my disapointment we had a great day.
Added two new events that will become annual events. Santas Village with Aunt Sheila and the Folley Fair with my mother in law.
I also got to have my annual weekend away with my heart sister granted we brought the kids and hubbies but still it was a great time for all.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Dirty Dancing Memories
The prompt for today is a childhood memory but I'm going with a teenage girl memory.
Sitting in the theatre with my mom and her best friend watching the movie Dirty Dancing. Then my mom gets up and goes to the washroom and takes a very long time to come back and when she does she demands we leave since this movie is such filth. I didn't have the heart to tell her how many times I had already seen it. Every time I hear this song it brings back this memory.
Sitting in the theatre with my mom and her best friend watching the movie Dirty Dancing. Then my mom gets up and goes to the washroom and takes a very long time to come back and when she does she demands we leave since this movie is such filth. I didn't have the heart to tell her how many times I had already seen it. Every time I hear this song it brings back this memory.
Runing away from it all
As promised I pulled myself out of the pity pool and I'm back to play the game.
A song that makes me feel guity is the prompt for today this is one that is hard for me because I don't tend to feel guilty very often but I think this song is perfect and probably most mothers/wives can relate to wanting to run away every once in awhile.
I know my followers are not country fans but if you listen to the words I'm sure you'll understand why I picked this song.
Had it with the wife thing, living on a shoe string
What’s a poor girl got to do just to have some fun?
All these years without any help
Guess what, honey, clothes just don’t wash themselves!
Neither do dishes, neither does the bathroom floor
A song that makes me feel guity is the prompt for today this is one that is hard for me because I don't tend to feel guilty very often but I think this song is perfect and probably most mothers/wives can relate to wanting to run away every once in awhile.
I know my followers are not country fans but if you listen to the words I'm sure you'll understand why I picked this song.
Had it with the wife thing, living on a shoe string
What’s a poor girl got to do just to have some fun?
All these years without any help
Guess what, honey, clothes just don’t wash themselves!
Neither do dishes, neither does the bathroom floor
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Roller coaster continues
Sorry that I have missed the last couple of days of the music challenge but my real life seems to have derailed my blogging life.
Tuesday I was out selling Epicure this is my new side business I love it but it takes a lot of time.
Last night I was all set to blog and play along but the reality of how tight money is and how bleak the future is finacially just came to a head and I'm letting myself have a swim in the pity pool. I promise to pull myself out and be back in the game by tomorrow.
I know I can't let my mood stay too long but on the other hand its not a bad thing for me to let these emotions have their turn. I know that this will work because the lord never gives us more than we can handle but right now I just want to be gloomy and sulky.
Tuesday I was out selling Epicure this is my new side business I love it but it takes a lot of time.
Last night I was all set to blog and play along but the reality of how tight money is and how bleak the future is finacially just came to a head and I'm letting myself have a swim in the pity pool. I promise to pull myself out and be back in the game by tomorrow.
I know I can't let my mood stay too long but on the other hand its not a bad thing for me to let these emotions have their turn. I know that this will work because the lord never gives us more than we can handle but right now I just want to be gloomy and sulky.
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