Fear is powerful and sneaks in

I haven't been blogging because I've been soul searching and trying to find the women I was a few years ago. The women who didn't make decisions based on doubt or fear, the women who didn't jump through hoops to keep her family happy and balanced.

I'm not sure when or how the fear crept in but all of a sudden I didn't want to say no to anyone and was bending over backwards to keep everyone happy.

My husband loosing his job twice in less then 12 months has had one benefit and that is that I've had to learn how to stand my ground again and say no I'm not going to jump through hoops to fix things. I've also learned that telling my older kids no is not going to ruin them hell it might make them better people.

I had my semi-annual run away with my heart sister this past weekend and I had the first test of the new me. My hubby had a crisis at home with the older children. The old me would've put my visit on hold well I dealt with home and figured something out but instead I texted my husband the kids cell numbers and told him to deal with them direct. What a powerful feeling it was that I stood my ground. The stress is reduced and even with money being tight I can relax and know that all will work out.

I have learned that my marriage is worth fighting for but that doesn't mean that I always give in or jump through hoops. I've also learned that if my kids get pissed off at the new me thats ok because this "new" me is actually the true me and I just lost this part of myself briefly.

I'm so happy to be back and I'm sure I'll be sharing stories about the last little while with everyone in the next little while.